so i told on myself today, i bought an exercise machine, can be used yes but WAY out of our finantial ability.
dan also made me get out today...we took our daughter to the park and had a sorta picnic. i protested all the way but found that i did enjoy watching my daughter at the park and walkin around with her.
i also admited that i have been feeling better and that in itself felt good, and hearing dan and lorrie (out of company) both tell me that i look happier, better.
i have slowly been getting around to getting in contact with my friends, it is still HARD and i wish i knew why. i really do miss my friends and would kill to see them...just not right now...not while i am sooo sick. really they wouldnt mind they know me, they have lived a bunch of this with me already, but i want to go and show happy and be happy.
i told my councelor that 'my depression has lifted just enough to let in worry' and whats fucked up ...that is good. its good because now at least i give a shit...before with just the deep dark depression alone i could care if the world crumbled in on itself...now if it does i can think of things i will grab to take to safety
l8r
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